If you haven't read parts 1-4 yet, you can read them here.
So, there we were at orientation. We hadn't seen each other in about 9 months. He was the only person I knew there so I stuck by his side. We sat down together at a table. Funny foreshadowing: Everyone at the table thought we were married for some reason. I remember awkwardly denying we were married as we awkwardly looked at each other and laughed. It was a very awkward moment if you haven't gotten that already.
Once school started I quickly made a close group of friends that I studied with, went to class with and did pretty much everything with. Philip and I actually did not hang out much the first half of that semester. We had a couple of classes together, but we didn't really see each other outside of class. It wasn't until the grand opening of a Chick-fil-a that we starting hanging out more. A group of us camped out to be in the first 100 to get a 52 free meals. From that point on we starting hanging out more. I got to know him in a way I had never known him before. He was a lot different than I had thought he was...in a good way. We were very comfortable around each other and I really enjoyed being his friend.
That whole first semester and the better part of that year I was romantically interested on and off in other people besides Philip. There were times when I would entertain romantic thoughts about him, but I never let myself think too much about it because at that point I did not think he was interested in me. The semester came to an end and Philip and I were close friends. He left for the summer to go work at Wilderness Ranch again. I remember being sad that he was leaving. That summer was an extremely difficult one for me and I missed his friendship more than ever. I had been hurt a great deal and was experiencing a lot of confusion and pain from some other relationships. I confided in him through a few letters that summer. (At the time I had no idea how much those letters meant to him.)
You can read more about that time in my life in my old blog here.
Before I knew it the summer was over and Philip was back. I was so glad to see him. He seemed different though. I could tell he really missed his friends from Wilderness Ranch and was having to readjust to coming back to seminary. Meanwhile, I was still interested in someone else. My friendship with Philip continued to grow that fall. He was a rock. In the midst of all my crazy emotional relationship mess, Philip was always there. I could tell he cared about our friendship, but I wasn't sure to what extent. About the middle of that semester the psuedo-relationship I was in ended for good.
From that point on Philip and I hung out even more. We seemed to be doing everything together. I began to wonder more and more if he was interested in me romantically. It certainly seemed like it but he would never say anything about it. I brought it up several times but each time he denied he had feelings for me. (I later came to find out that he did). I would not allow myself to think of him romantically because I didn't want to get hurt. He hadn't declared any feelings for me so I didn't want to set myself up for more heartache.
The year ended with us still being just friends, but us both secretly wondering if there would ever be more. Looking back now I know it wasn't God's timing for us to reveal our feelings at that time. It was an extremely difficult year for me, probably the most difficult of my whole life. A lot of change, pain, and growth happened for me within a very short amount of time. Little did I know how different the next year would be...
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